Yugi and Mai's Belated V-Day
by LapisDIDNOTHINGwrong101
Summary: *COMPLETE!* I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. One month after a terrible Valentine's Day, Yugi has a chance meeting with Mai to find out her V-Day was terrible as well. With their other friends having moved, the two duelists seek each for more than just card games. (Yugi x Mai) Contains Language, Nudity and other themes. *CHAPTER 10 IS UP!*. AU
1. Chapter 1: Bad News

A/N: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!. Random story idea I came up with yesterday about Yugi and Mai having really bad V-days, feel free to review and enjoy. Also shout out to "Boonaw" for pointing out a typo in chapter 1, you can find his Fanfiction account and stories here: u/7676414/Boonaw

* * *

Belated V-Day

Chapter 1: Bad News

Yugi found a way to separate himself and Yami from each other so they could be two separate entities. The two of them were like brothers: they would do all sorts of stuff like eating ice-cream w/ bacon on top, play video games, watch Kaiju films, listen to Grove Metal and bash shitty knock-off shows like GX and 5D's to name a few.

*Valentine's Day, Tea's apartment*

In other news, Yugi purchased a rather expensive box of chocolates and brought them to Tea's house. But as she welcomed the young Egyptian inside, she gave him some big news.

"**YOU'RE MOVING!?"** Yugi asked all confused while holding the expensive box of chocolate he had gotten for Tea.

"Yeah I got a job as a table dancer in New York City, I'm moving in a few days!" Tea said while smiling.

"But-but-but-but-but….." Yugi kept tripping, his grip on the chocolate box grew weak.

(Notices the chocolate) "Oh….yeah, sorry Yugi look: you're loyal, kind, smart, brave, funny and wonderful but…to be brutally honest…..I see you as a **friend if not a brother.**" Tea admitted.

**Yugi felt like his heart had been ripped out by an Aztec priest in Central America.**

"F-f-f-f-f-f-**friend?**" Yugi said as he dropped the chocolate box while trying not to cry.

"Yugi, being friends is still a wonderful thing, I can't go one episode without a friendship speech. Here…" Tea was about to give a speech.

"Please Tea…..I've memorized all your speeches." Yugi admitted.

"Oh…okay then. Plus, even if I did see you more than a friend, I'd see you as a **best friend**, and even if I saw you as something more than that well….I already have a boyfriend. Don't worry: I'll be sure to write and send you photos **just not the ones of me dancing because those are for my boyfriend!** Happy Valentine's Day!" Tea said as she smiled and gave Yugi a hug.

Yugi couldn't help but to hug back, smell her perfume, feel her hug, and body heat, but he knew then and there that he'd never be able to have her, let alone reach 1st base.

(Sigh) "Thanks Tea…..I guess friendship is all one needs on Valentine's Day." Yugi said as he tried to remain positive.

Collecting himself, Yugi said "Farewell", opened the front door, only to find someone was waiting for Tea outside. That someone was Yami who was holding a dozen roses, chocolate and what looked like a box containing an engagement ring.

(Doesn't notice Yugi at first due to his size) "S'up Tea baby! A few more days from now, you and I will rule New York…..(sees Yugi)…oh….. well um…this is quite awkward." Yami admitted.

Yugi wanted to go all Red Army on Yami and Tea's asses.

**"ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?!** WE'VE BEEN BEST FRIENDS SINCE **SEASON 0** AND YOU TAKE THE ONE GIRL I LOVED MORE THAN THE WHOLE GODDAMN WORLD!? THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT SOMEONE WHO FREED YOU FROM THAT SHITTY-ASS EGYPTIAN PUZZLE?! WHAT IN THE UNHOLY MOTHER OF FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF **YOU BACK-STABBING, GIRL-STEALING, JERK-FACE?!"** Yugi roared.

"Well to be honest, Tea and I have more in common and didn't want to tell you right away because you'd freak out." Yami answered.

"Yugi…." Tea tried to explain.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING _**"Yugi"**_ ME! IF TURNING ME DOWN FOR MY BEST FRIEND IS WHAT YOU CALL _**"friendship"**_ THEN FUCK YOU TEA, FUCK YOU YAMI, FUCK VALENTINE'S DAY AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF…..(looks at Yami and Tea while giving them each a middle finger)**FUCK OUR FRIENDSHIPS!**" Yugi declared with tears streaming down his enraged face as he stormed out of Tea's apartment while slamming the door, only for him to return 3 seconds later for the chocolate he dropped saying **"AND I'M TAKING THESE EXPENSIVE CHOCOLATES BACK!"** then he went out and left for good while slamming the door one final time.

* * *

*Candy Store*

Despite having a receipt, the chocolate store owner couldn't give a refund because the box was slightly damaged but in reality it was due to the fact the manager owed money to the mob and couldn't afford to lose any cash. So Yugi walked home with the now worthless, expensive chocolate box as it started to downpour.

* * *

*Game Kame*

Using a spare key under his doormat, Yugi unlocked the back Game Kame door and walked in. His Grandpa was out clubbing with some ladies at the nearby retirement home (I'll leave it up to you guys if the women were elderly or young nurses or both) his Dad was eaten by a **Black Ghost** while on a business trip to **Lavender Town** in the Kanto region several years ago and his Mom was at a "Woman's Book Club Valentine's Day Slumber Party."

Changing into some new clothes, Yugi grabbed the chocolates, went to his room, locked the door and tore up every picture he had of Tea. As he dimmed the lights, his plan was to dance with Tea in his room as _Lionel Richie's "Hello_" played in the background. But since Yugi was friend-zoned, he played a two-hour loop of _Elfen Lied's "Lilium"_, stripped down to his G1 Power-Ranger underwear, laid down on the floor, curled up in fetal position, and ate the chocolates while sobbing. Needless to say, Valentine's Day really sucked for our hero but as it turns out, someone else was also having a very shitty Valentine's Day.

* * *

*Mai's Residence*

Mai was dressed as a slutty princess and had slaved the entire day getting the bedroom set up for her V-day Night w/ Joey Wheeler.

"Now that Joey is back from his month long San Diego trip, he'll be dying to ravish my body and (hears knock on door) right on time!" Mai squealed like a fangirl as she quickly inspected her looks and breath to see that everything was in shape. Satisfied, Mai opened the door… but saw that Joey looked… different. He had long hair, makeup and…. **implants**.

"OH MAI YOU JUST LOOK SO ABSOLUTELY **FAB!**" Joey said all flamboyantly as he hugged her.

"Jo….Joe…Joey…..?" Mai kept stuttering.

"Oh fudge…..sorry it looks like you didn't receive my letter…..darn postal service…..anyway hon'….while in San Diego I met some really fabulous people and as it turns out, I decided to be a woman and my new name is Josephine!" The now Josephine declared.

"But-but-but-but-but-but…." Mai said all dumbfounded like Yugi did earlier.

"Mai darling I'm so very, very sorry, if only I had transitioned before we met. Anyway, here have these two tickets to this year's _Ricky Martin_ concert! I'd love to stay and chat but my BF is waiting for me outside, **TOODLES!**" Josephine waved as he frolicked down the stairs to his bf who happened to be Duke Devlin in a car with the sunroof down. Mai then grabbed a huge bucket, filled it with toilet water, opened a window and dumped it all over the two love birds in their car.

"OH NO DUKE IT'S RAINING POOPY WATER!" Josephine screamed.

"I'LL GET US OUTTA HERE!" Duke replied.

As the dirty car sped off, Mai destroyed everything Joey ever gave her, drank a whole bottle of wine, burned the Ricky Martin tickets before flushing them and cried herself to a drunken sleep.

Needless to say, V-Day sucks when you're single.

* * *

A/N: Anyway I know Valentine's day has been over for a while so I decided to use that as the inspiration for this fanfic. Feel free to leave a review. Anyway chapter 2 will explain more and is coming later today!


	2. Chapter 2: Heroes

A/N: Hey guys, here's a new chapter! It gets a little dark but still contains a lot of laughs.

* * *

Chapter 2: Heroes

The following month was awful for Yugi: Tea picking Yami over him left the poor duelist unable to concentrate on playing card games. Also when Yugi would try to apply for a job, each interviewer would respond with "Card games don't help with your resume son." Yugi couldn't sleep right, eat healthy and started dressing up in all black. Things were so bad his Mother and Grandpa started to take notice.

"Yugi please tell us what's going on?" Yugi's mother asked while putting a Band-Aid on a hickey she got from the Woman's Book Club. (She told Yugi it was a bug bite)

"Yes boy, tell us." Grandpa said as he hid his small black notebook which contained the numbers of the women at the retirement home.

"Tea picked Yami over me so now I'm miserable and suck at life!" Yugi mourned.

"Oh sorry…..is that why you've been losing duels to novices in the shop for a whole month straight?" Yugi's Grandpa asked.

"GRANDPA!" Yugi's Mom yelled as she finished applying her Band-Aid.

"What? I'm just trying to help!" Yugi's Grandpa replied.

"Mom..…(sniff)…**the women at your club**…you think any of them…..would **want to date me** and if not them, maybe **their daughters my age?**" Yugi said while trying to form and hold a desperate smile.

"Oh…uh…sorry honey but my friends and their daughters are already **taken**, only their **sons are single.**" Yugi's Mom answered.

His hopes dashed, Yugi continued to cry.

"But hey even if you don't find love, you can always be an **Irish Bachelor!**" Yugi's Mom suggested.

**"MOM WE'RE ****EGYPTIAN****, HOW DOES BEING AN ****IRISH BACHELOR**** SOLVE MY PROBLEMS?!"** Yugi questioned all pissed.

"Dunno, I just felt that it would take your mind off things and…..actually you're right, it is pretty worthless." Yugi's Mom admitted.

"Mom…all I want is to find…" Yugi tried to explain.

"Now Yugi, we've talked about this." Yugi's Mom said.

"But it's not fair." Yugi complained.

"Well Life isn't always fair." Yugi's Mom responded.

**"WELL IT DOESN'T SOLVE MY PROBLEMS EITHER!"** Yugi roared as he cried again.

"Sugoroku for God's sake can't you see your son needs a woman in his life who isn't (Yugi's Mom glares at his Grandpa) SHUTTING UP NOW!" Said Yugi's Grandpa.

"Yugi, rejection and betrayal hurt, but who's to say others won't do the same to you as well? Look you still need more time to heal both in body and mind. Exercise, helping out around the house, eating a healthy wheat-free diet and even seeing a doctor. And look if things really don't improve in a few more months, maybe we can explore dating, but it has to be with people we know." Yugi's Mom explained.

While he didn't agree, he didn't feel like fighting anymore.

"Guys, I appreciate the help, but I just need some alone time." Yugi said as he was heading for the door.

"Yugi." His Mom and Grandpa called.

Turning around his Mom handed him a Taser to use in case of bullies.

"Thanks." Yugi said as he left the store and walked to a tavern.

* * *

*Mai's Place*

Unbeknownst to Yugi, Mai was also feeling like shit: After her fortune telling business went under, she decided to find a job but like Yugi, got rejected since adding "Duelist" to your resume doesn't help you land a job. But unlike Yugi, Mai kept getting requests from former acquaintances/ex's which mainly involved unwanted dick pics she would delete and block. To make matters worse, she was orphaned and when she hired a private investigator to locate her parents, it turns out that her folks died because they both took part in The Tide Pod Challenge. Mai needed a drink so she wore a skirt, long sleeve shirt, along with a jacket, then walked to a nearby Tavern and while she had a few rubbers, she forgot her pepper spray.

* * *

*Tavern*

In this universe, the drinking age is 18. Despite his short stature, Yugi was 18 years old but without Yami, getting a new girl would be hard. Grabbing a phone book, he placed it on his stool, sat on it and asked the bartender for a drink, who happened to be Tristan Taylor.

"Hey Yugi how's it hanging?" Tristan asked concerned.

(Sigh) "Still no girl." Yugi said as he requested a PBR.

Tristan replied with: "That sucks, still can't believe what Yami…. sorry I shouldn't have brought that up."

"It's okay Tristen." Yugi replied as he pounded his PBR. "Another please." Yugi requested.

As Yugi was having a few beers, Mai walked into the Tavern and to her surprise, almost everyone was eyeing her but these guys were just ex flames. She was thinking about leaving when she saw a familiar face at the bar, it was Yugi! But something was wrong with him she thought: "Why is Yugi sulking at a bar by himself? He's not the kind of person to do that unless…..**he needs help.** He's helped me out in the past, maybe I could help him back." While avoiding the glances of the other patrons, Mai sat next to Yugi and ordered a Miller High Life.

The request got Yugi's attention as he had 3-4 PBRS.

"M…..Mai?" Yugi said as he made eye contact with her.

"Hey Yug'! Hey Tristan!" Mai said as she downed her Miller.

Yugi couldn't help but stare as the blonde closed her eyes and downed the drink, it was almost like she was blowing him, as he was thinking to himself. (Or so he thought)

"Blowing whom?" Mai asked w/ a smile as she opened her eyes and looked at Yugi.

Realizing he was thinking out loud, Yugi tried to explain.

"OH GOD…UH….UH…..I MEAN…(sign) sorry." Yugi apologized.

"Yugi its okay….**we're both adults.**" Mai said with a laugh.

"Yeah." Yugi also said with a chuckle.

* * *

The two friends then shared several more drinks together. Stories, jokes and even good memories were shared between the two old friends. After downing an Old Style, Yugi then explained his situation to Mai and to his surprise, she went through the same, shitty V-Day as he did.

"Wow….dumping the toilet water on them was amazing!" Yugi laughed.

"Yeah, and you cussing out Tea and Yami, never knew you mastered Sailor Talk." Mai cooed seductively.

"Well like you said: _**We're both adults.**_" Steven replied with a tipsy smile.

Yugi and Mai then stared at each other while smiling.

As the two duelists looked into each other's eyes, some asshole named Jean-Claude Magnum barged into the Tavern and zeroed in on Mai.

"J-J-J-J-JEAN?!" Mai said all shocked.

Jean-Claude Magnum replied with: "MAI! BABY! LOOK I KNOW WE'VE HAD OUR ISSUES IN THE PAST BUT LOOK I'VE CHANGED AND AM NOW A BIG HOLLYWOOD ACTOR! WHADDYA SAY WE GO GET HITCHED IN VEGAS AND…..?"

"SHOVE IT ALL UP YOUR ASS JEAN! **I ALREADY HAVE A MAN!**" Mai replied as she grabbed Yugi and made out with him.

Shocked and humiliated, Jean went to the other side of the bar, ordered and downed a Martini.

Upon paying for their drinks, Yugi and Mai left the bar tipsy then sat on a bench outside.

* * *

*Outside*

"That was awesome!" Yugi said happily.

"Yup and Yugi….?" Mai snickered.

"Yeah Mai?" Yugi asked while smiling.

"Do I make you hard?" She asked with another snicker.

"All the time!" Said a confident Yugi.

Just then Mai was all "Aww so cute, hot and super sexy…." but then felt her forehead and showed a sign of pain.

"Babe are you okay?" Yugi asked concerned.

"Yeah it's just that….I'm sorry but my head is hurting and I've had too much to drink, can we continue again this week?" Mai asked while trying to hid the fact that she was disappointed in herself.

"Mai, it's alright." Yugi said like a gentleman.

"Thanks Yugi!" Mai replied as she gave him another kiss.

When the kiss was done, Yugi got up and said: "Hey….Mai….I'm gonna order us a….."

Just then an enraged, drunken Jean-Claude Magnum came out of nowhere, ran towards Yugi, turned him around and kneed him in the gut very hard.

"YUGI!" Mai shrieked as she got up and started hitting Magnum's sides.

As Yugi sank to his knees, he saw Magnum grab Mai's hair, punch her in the gut and drag her into a nearby alley way.

Using his remaining strength, Yugi pulled out his Taser and turned it on.

* * *

*Alley*

"Please…. Jean…...**DON'T**…don't do this to me!...It's…." Mai begged teary-eyed.

"**SHUT IT!"** Magnum threatened as he placed his left hand on Mai's lower face while using his right hand to rip her skirt off, fling it to the side and squeeze her ass. "With that little shit Yugi out of the picture, I'm gonna….. (ZAAAAAAAAAAAP! sound effect and bright light between Magnum's legs) **AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!**" Magnum cried out as he let go of Mai and fell to the ground in a convulsing fetal position, his hands on his crotch.

As the assailant continued to wail in pain, Mai discovered that Yugi had snuck up behind Magnum and used his stun gun at full power to shock her would-be-rapist's balls and cock.

Seeing Yugi turn the Taser off, Mai then limped to her hero and showered him w/ kisses. Yugi took his jacket off and wrapped it around Mai's waist. As Tristan came out to see what all the noise was about, Yugi asked him to call 9-1-1 while he comforted Mai.

* * *

*Game Kame*

"Yugi's been gone for nearly 2 hours!" Yugi's Mom said all concerned as she sat on the couch w/ Yugi's Grandpa.

"He's probably at a movie theatre or something." Yugi's Grandpa theorized.

"You don't think he's watching one of those…..those….." Yugi's Mom couldn't bring herself to finish.

"Don't worry, the current films that are out this week aren't "dirty" ones, I've already checked myself and I'm a bit let down." Yugi's Grandpa reassured.

(Brief, awkward silence)

Then Sugoroku admitted: "I just missed him as he went on his adventures but he's growing up...maybe I should just accept the fact he's not a little baby anymore ...but rather a responsible adult who..."

Just then a news announcement comes up. It shows Magnum being arrested with an ice-pack on his crotch while Mai and Yugi are drinking some huge water bottles. After Yugi gave his Statement, the news reporter continued to address the situation but all Sugoroku could focus on was Yugi being next to such an older, out of his league, drop-dead gorgeous woman missing a skirt. The Reporter signs off, but not before Mai plants a big, sloppy yet romantic kiss on Yugi's mouth in the background and clearly in view as the two lovers close their eyes and nearly fall to the ground as they wrap their arms around each other.

Yugi's Mom stared at the T.V. with her eyes wide-open and no sign of happiness.

"Sugoroku?" Yugi's Grandpa asked as he hid behind the opposite side of the couch, bracing himself for Yugi's Mom's imminent maternal meltdown.

(From outside of the town)

**"MY BABYYYYYY!"** Screamed Yugi's Mom.

(Back to the house)

(Runs around getting her things together to pick up her son and brutally murder the woman who kissed him) **"SHE KISSED HIM, THAT FUCKING HOOKER, SKANK, PROSTITUTE, SLUT, WHORE JUST KISSED MY BEAUTIFUL, INNOCENT, DARLING BABY ON THE MOUTH! SHE COULD CORRUPT HIM, LURE HIM INTO VAN WITH THE PROMISE OF FREE CANDY AND AAAAAAAAAGHGHGH! SHE MIGHT TOUCH HIS** **_"NO-NO"_ PLACE! I WON'T HAVE IT, I WON'T HAVE FUCKING ANY OF IT! NOT WITH MY SON! I ALREADY LOST A HUSBAND TO LAVENDER TOWN AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF I LOSE MY ONLY BABY SON!** **I'M GONNA GUT, SKIN AND SEASON THAT BITCH FOR SUNDAY DINNER AND FEED HER TO MY BABY!** **THE DAMAGE MIGHT ALREADY BE DONE THOUGH, I NEVER SHOULD'VE STOPPED WEENING MY BABY, I NEVER SHOULD'VE STOPPED WEENING MY PRECIOUS, PURE, BABY, BOY! **(Yugi's Grandpa tries to calm her down) **YOU STAY OUT OF THIS OLD MAN, OR I'LL PUT YOU IN AN INTENSIVE CARE UNIT! JUST STAY HERE! **(heads to car) **DON'T WORRY BABY, MOMMY'S COMING!" **Sugoroku yelled as she got in her car, floored it, only to get pulled over by a cop for blowing the speed limit and driving straight through a red light.

Yugi's Grandpa face-palmed.

* * *

A/N: This was going to be more intense, but I decided to add more humor at the end. In terms of updates, my Easter weekend is really booked so if I can't upload tomorrow, I will be able to by this upcoming Tuesday at the latest.

Anyway let me know what you guys think in the reviews and thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3: Surprises

A/N: Hey guys, here's Chapter 3.

* * *

Chapter 3: Surprises

After spending a good 45 minutes behind bars, Sugoroku was released when Yugi, his Grandpa Solomon and Mai arrived via Grandpa's car and paid her bail. As a result of the speeding and red light, Sugoroku had her **driver's license suspended** for a few months and her **car impounded**. Aside from thanking Solomon, Yugi's Mom was silent most of the drive. The only time she spoke was when Solomon pulled up to a Burger King and asked if she wanted anything and she said "A Whopper meal with a salad and shake please." After her request, she became silent again. Solomon, Yugi and Mai bought a Burger King Feast and tried to turn the night around.

* * *

*Game Kame kitchen*

Since the dinner table is rectangular, Yugi sat next to Mai on one side while Grandpa Solomon and Sugoroku sat on the other. Due to the stress from earlier, no one wanted to trigger a fight. **To make matters even worse, Mai was sitting across from Sugoroku, who**** was starring daggers at the blonde.** After saying grace, everyone started eating, except for Yugi's Mom, who continued to stare angrily at Mai.

Taking a risk, Grandpa Solomon offered to change the seating arrangements but was stopped by Sugoroku's glare.

After ten minutes of silence…...

"So how was it?" Sugoroku asked Mai while seething.

"It's not what you think..." Mai replied.

"**ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION!** HOW WAS IT WHEN YOU STOLE MY BABY'S INNOCENCE YOU DISEASE-INFESTED WHORE?!" Sugoroku roared.

"FOR YOUR INFORMATION: THE ONLY THING I STOLE FROM YOUR _**"BABY"**_ WAS HIS DEPRESSION! AND BASED ON THE RESULTS, WE BOTH ENJOYED IT! IF ANYTHING, YOU SHOULD THANK ME!" Mai fired back.

"THANK YOU PFFT! WOW SO A MONTH OF DEPRESSION IS MAGICALLY CURED BECAUSE YOU SLID YOUR REPULSIVE TONGUE INTO MY BABY'S MOUTH?! YOU WERE ALL OVER HIM!" Sugoroku barked.

"SO YOU ADMIT THAT MY "REPULSIVE TONGUE" CURED YOUR BABY'S DEPRESSION?!" Mai countered.

Sugoroku fired with: "THAT WAS SARCASM YOU STUPID BIMBO! PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON TRUMP'S IN OFFICE! I BET YOU PROWL THE STREETS AT NIGHT FOR…"

"Mom?" Yugi tried to cut in.

"NOT NOW YUGI!" His come interrupted.

"Look…" Yugi persisted.

"DO YOU WANT A TIME-OUT?!" His Mom warned.

"DAMMIT MOM ALL I'M TRYING TO SAY IS THAT MAI NEVER STOLE MY INNOCENCE, I RESCUED HER FROM GETTING RAPED AND EVEN THOUGH WE KISSED, I'M STILL A VIRGIN! YOU SAW US KISS ON NATIONAL TELEVISION BUT GLANCED OVER EVERYTHING ELSE THAT OCCURRED! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A WHOLE MONTH, I FEEL BETTER BUT YOU KEEP ATTACKING MAI WITHOUT KNOWING HER! **YOU'RE ACTING LIKE THOSE FEMINAZI BITCHS WHO RUINED VIC MIGNOGNA'S CAREER! AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP CALLING ME A BABY! I'M 18 MOTHER-FUCKING YEARS OLD FOR FUCK'S SAKE!**" Yugi roared.

The room was silent.

"Mom I'm sorry but…...while I'll always be your _**"baby"**_, I'm 18 years old. My adventures helped shape me into who I am today. Mai and I have been through many betrayals, hardships and drama from other people. I love Mai with all my heart and vice versa. Being together has helped both of us out, so all I'm asking is you please get to know her and let us date." Yugi asked his Mom while showing big, sad anime eyes.

Sugoroku tried to resist by saying: "Yugi…..I'm sorry but as your Mom…"

"Mrs. Muto, please…imagine being an orphan your whole life and upon finding your parents, they're both dead from the Tide-Pod Challenge. Your son is my hero and we can't live without each other!" Mai also begged with sad anime eyes.

"….I….." Sugoroku then turned to Solomon who was looking at Shadman's rule 34 on his phone but stopped to also give sad anime eyes.

Defeated, Sugoroku said. "Sigh...Yugi,….Mai,….Grandpa,….I'm sorry for earlier. So long as Yugi saves himself for marriage…then yes you can date…"

"THANKS WE LOVE YOU!" Mai and Yugi said in unison as they hugged Sugoroku to the point where she passed out, but she recovered 5 minutes later and was cool with it.

"There's one more thing I need…" Sugoroku said to Mai.

* * *

*Sugoroku's bedroom*

Mai has Yugi's Mom on her lap belly down and has been tanning her bare ass with a black cattle whip for almost 15 minutes. There's a towel under Sugoroku's crotch and she's dressed like a cow but her slutty costume doesn't cover her private parts. Mai and Yugi have horrified looks on their faces while Grandpa thought it was hot.

"OH YES! DISCIPLINE ME! YES! MOO! MOO! MOO! **IT'S JUST LIKE THE WOMEN'S BOOK CLUB!** (awkward pause) Uh I mean it's like a _**"book"**_ we read at said club….. anyway… back to it (tanning resumes) OH FUCK YES! KEEP TANNING MY BARE-COW-ASS, **MOO! MOO! MOO! LIGHT** ONE OF MY CIGS AND USE IT **TO BRAND MY ASS!** (ass gets branded by cig before it goes out) YES! I LOVE BEING A FUCKING COW! MOO! MOO! MOO! **IF ONLY MY UDDERS WERE BIGGER AND FILED WITH MILK, THEN MY CALF SON WOULD NUZZLE** (another awkward pause) …...okay we won't go there…..anyway…lets resume…..OH FUCK YES! TREAT ME LIKE THE SLUTTY, FAT, CURVY COW THAT I DESERVE TO BE! MOO! MOO! MOO! OH MY GOD I'M CLOSE, GETTING CLOSER AND OH MY FUCKING GOD **I'M SO FUCKING CLOSE!** MAKE ME **CLIMAX!** MAKE ME… MAKE ME….. **YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!** (climaxes onto towel) **OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! **(Shudders) My….son…is yours….master!" Sugoroku passes out on top of Mai's lap. Yugi, Mai and Solomon clean Sugoroku's lap and get her into bed as Solomon joins Yugi's Mom in bed as well.

As it was getting late, Mai needed to head home so Yugi ordered her a Lyft, kissed her goodbye and went to his bed were he could have many dreams about Mai, she would have the same about Yugi.

* * *

*A few weeks later at some fancy restaurant*

Due to saving Mai and ruining Jean-Claude Magnum's life, Yugi became the town hero. He tracked down and defeated every duelist he lost to during his month of Hell. His Grandpa also gave him a promotion as well as a bonus. And his Mom was well on her way of being more laid-back. As he and Mai were having a wonderful dinner date, an old enemy showed up and it was Seto Kaiba.

Kaiba then laughed: "Well, well, well if it isn't Yugi? So, now that you've recovered from your month-long shit-streak, how about a…..."

"Look Kaiba I know you want to duel but I'm having a date right now with my girlfriend Mai Valentine." Yugi explained.

"Wait how the fuck did you pull this off?!" Kaiba questioned.

"Didn't you read this fanfic?" Yugi replied as he broke the 4th wall.

Confused Kaiba then goes: "One second (reads fanfic) Hmmm okay now it makes sense...and I thought my love-life sucked...wow glad I'm not that faggot Magnum. (finishes) Anyway…...where was I?... oh yes (Evil Voice) I, SETO KAIBA CHALLENGE YOU TO A…... (sees Yugi and Mai eat spaghetti and about to kiss like its _Lady and the Tramp_) Oh God I…." (puts hand on mouth and runs to the restroom to hack his guts out)

Upon seeing they are eating the same spaghetti strand our two lovers frantically cut the strand in half. It's not for germs since they share saliva everyday w/ their make-out sessions, but rather to avoid a potential lawsuit from Disney.

"Phew that was a close one! Anyway Mai, I know an actual relationship takes time to develop but since this is a crack fic I have this very important question (gets on one knee and presents a small black box and opens it revealing a wedding ring) Mai Valentine…WILL YOU MARRY ME?' Yugi Proposed with an Exodia ring.

**"FUCK YES!"** Mai answered as she put the ring and hugged Yugi so hard she buried his face in her cleavage as the whole restaurant cheered the newlyweds on.

(Upon being releasing from her rack so he could breath) "Now where were we _**sugar plump**_**?**" Yugi asked all cutesy.

"Admiring each other _**snoogey-woogums**_**!**" Mai replied all cutesy as well.

Yugi and Mai started acting all lovey-dovey which caused everyone in the restaurant to go "Awwwwwwwwwww!"

Just as Kaiba returned from the Men's room, he saw Yugi and Mai going all Ga-Ga, which caused him to run back into the restroom to puke again.

"I love you, _**gumdrops**_**!**" Yugi said.

"I love you my _**teddy bear**_**!**" Mai said.

"I love you my _**pussy cat**_**!**" Yugi said.

Before she could respond, Kaiba (wearing ear plugs) came up from behind Mai and groped her boobs while saying to Yugi **"Now that I have your attention Yugi, I CHALLENGE YOU TO…."** Mai then grabbed Kaiba, threw him onto their table which smashed it and with Yugi's help, started pummeling the ever-loving-shit out of Seto Kaiba's ass. After beating up Kaiba, Mai called security and sued Seto Kaiba for sexual harassment.

* * *

(After the Trial)

For losing the case, Kaiba not only lost his fortune but company as well and went from being worth $1,000,000,000 to $0.00. Upon acquiring Kaibacorp, Yugi had it changed to _Mai & Yugi-MutuCorp, _pissing Kaiba off to no end. The Blue-Eyes White Dragon statues were torn down and replaced with Exodia Statues, Yugi would fund his Grandpa's game shop and recreated Kaiba's office into his own. As the couple got married several months later, they had their wedding reception at MutuCorp.

* * *

A/N: I wrote this chapter while fighting writer's block but am glad at how it turned out. Now since my Easter Weekend is full, chapter 4 won't be up until Tuesday at the earliest or Wednesday at the latest. Next chapter will involve a quick glimpse of the wedding, party but mainly Honeymoon. I'll see you guys this Tuesday and have a Happy Easter!


	4. Chapter 4: Wedding Battle

A/N: Hey guys, I hope you all had a great Easter weekend! Anyway, lets continue!

* * *

Chapter 4: Wedding Battle

*MutuCORP*

Having tied the knot, Yugi and Mai had their wedding reception at MutuCORP. It turns out that before losing his company, Kaiba tried to create artificially intelligent duel monsters but was never able to make them work. Using some leftover magic from Yami, Yugi was able to bring them to life. But rather than use them for war, Yugi used them for entertainment. For example, Yugi converted a Blue-Eyes White Dragon which was meant to wipe out entire villages into a scaled down Toon Blue-Eyes White Dragon to entertain children in 3rd world countries. Each of the monsters like Dark Magician and Beaver Warrior would help out at the reception.

"Wow Yugi this is so amazing!" Mai said all impressed.

"Thanks Mai." Said Yugi.

"Is something wrong?" Mai asked concerned.

"It's just that, all my monsters are here except for…my Exodia." Yugi said while trying to hide his disappointment.

"Oh…..that sucks." Mai admitted.

"Yeah…we had some great times like when I whipped Kaiba's ass and…well that's pretty much it before I let Weevil hold them like a dumbass as he threw them off, I only have the left leg and the right leg." Yugi explained.

"Yugi you can't beat yourself up." Mai reassured Yugi.

"True….. but it still…..(hears door bell) Huh, who could that be?" Yugi questioned.

As Yugi answers the door, he discovers that no one is there.

"Damn ding-dong ditchers….(looks down) Hey what's this?" Yugi wondered as he picked up the envelope, opened it and read the letter.

"_Dear Yugi, I found these 3 pieces on the shore and felt you'd want them back."_

– _The author of this fanfic._

"_P.S. Keep them in a safe place."_

"_P.P.S. If you see Weevil, I hereby grant you full permission to whop his ass."_

Upon finishing the letter, Yugi saw what looked like 3 cards wrapped in protective black plastic. As he unraveled said plastic, he was overjoyed at what he saw: the 3 remaining pieces to his Grandpa's Exodia.

Running back inside, Yugi went into the monster lab, inserted all five pieces and watched as a huge, powerful being started to emerge.

* * *

Back at the party everything was going well. But just then Kaiba, escaped convict Magnum and Weevil burst through the door with weapons and held the place up. As a Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon confronted Kaiba, it stopped and noticed that Kaiba had raised it so as a result, The Blue-Eyes joined Kaiba. The other monsters tried to stop Kaiba but were destroyed by the Blue-Eyes Ultimate. To make matters worse, Kaiba saw Anubis resting in the park and stole some of his magic to bring his, Magnum's Ninjas and Weevil's bug monsters to life. Weevil sent a Basic Bug to look for any stragglers, Magnum sent an Armed Ninja to help the bug and Kaiba sent a Battle Ox to lead the other 2 monsters.

All the guests were forced into a corner but Mai used her Harpy ladies to attack the Blue-Eyes but only managed to distract it before they were knocked down.

"Pitiful." Kaiba taunted.

"Weak." Magnum added.

"Wussies!" Weevil said while trying to be cool, but caused everyone to cringe including the Blue-Eyes Ultimate.

"Anyhow….. with all these monsters, I will reclaim my fortune, my company, but I will also claim the world! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kaiba laughed maniacally.

"Hey Mai you won't believe…. wait what's going on?" Yugi questioned.

Kaiba replied with: "Ah the man of the hour! Listen Muto, with Anubis' magic, Magnum, Weevil and I have destroyed all of your worthless monsters and now we'll…..(large footstep sound)…the fuck?...(another large footstep sound)….the fuck is that sound?"

The steps kept getting louder and louder, so loud that a nearby glass of water started to ripple with each step like _Jurassic Park._

* * *

Just then, the legs of a Basic Bug, Armed Ninja and Battle Ox are tossed at Blue-Eyes Ultimate, startling the Dragon along with everyone else. A huge figure covered in shadows made its way through the dark with turned out to be Exodia, devouring the bloody remains of the Basic Bug, Armed Ninja along with the Battle Ox and roared.

**"EXODIA! IMPOSSIBLE! WEEVIL I THOUGHT YOU THREW HIM INTO THE OCEAN?!"** Kaiba asked while trying not to shit himself.

**"I SWEAR TO GOD I DID!"** Weevil replied with a scared voice.

**"THEN HOW THE FUCK IS HE HERE?!"** Magnum questioned as he wet himself.

"Actually, the author of this fanfic was nice enough to find and return them to me!" Yugi replied.

Upon hearing this, Weevil ran and locked himself in the women's restroom while Magnum ran to the kitchen. Refusing to surrender, Kaiba took control of his allies' monsters and ordered an all-out attack on Exodia: text book mistake.

* * *

Despite being out-numbered, Exodia was able to fry most of Weevil's monsters with a single energy blast. The rest were led by Weevil's Great Moth and tried to swarm him while using poison, but Exodia created a short range energy pulse that zapped the remaining pests into guts. One last bug begged for mercy, but Exodia stomped on it with his mighty foot.

Relying on speed, Magnum's Black Dragon Ninja tried to slash Exodia's face but The Forbidden One caught the ninja mid-air and used him as a blunt object to swat the rest of the ninjas into each other with traumatic results (for the ninjas). A Blue Dragon Ninja being knocked onto a flight of stairs breaking every bone in his body, an Earth Ninja sent flying into a lit furnace which scorched the screaming ninja alive, Ninja Grandmaster Saizo sent through a giant spinning fan which cut him into blood-drenched ribbons, and Aqua Armored Ninja knocked face-first into a fuse box which fried him and blew out the power before the back-up generators came on. Having killed the other ninjas, Exodia turned his attention to the critically injured but still living Black Dragon Ninja he was still holding, and smashed him into the ground until the ninja was a bloody pulp.

With most of their allies dead, Kaiba's monsters started firing spells at Exodia which did nothing. Exodia was even able to deflect one of the spells into Hitotsu-Me Giant's eye, causing the now blind giant to claw at the air. One of the swipes, connected with Saggi the Dark Clown's genitals, causing the clown to roll up and cry on the ground as he bled out. Exodia then grabbed the giant by his skull and crushed it with his hand, spilling blood and brain matter. Ryu-Kishin launched an aerial attack but Exodia ripped his wings off, dug his hand under its ribcage and ripped out its small, still-beating heart. As Gadget Soldier was locking onto Exodia, The Forbidden One fired 4 small beams that made contact with the rockets in Gadget Soldier's launcher, setting off the ammo and reducing the cybernetic monster into a heap of blood-stained, twisted scrap metal.

Refusing to surrender, Judgeman ran up and clubbed Exodia square in the face. The club however, shattered upon impact while doing no harm to The Forbidden one. Exodia retaliated by knocking Judgeman's head off with a single jab as the head landed in a punch bowl. With its head missing, Judgeman's body slumped to the ground while firing out two streams of blood from his neck arteries. The blood covered Exodia, but he didn't mind.

Desperate, Kaiba opened every suitcase he had and summoned every monster at his disposal. This only resulted in more blood, gore, agonizing screams, severed body parts and deaths without harming Exodia or the guests. And while Kaiba could've used the God Cards, he lost those to Pegasus in a drunken card game. Kaiba then ordered Blue-Eyes Ultimate to fire upon Exodia, with no regard to his other remaining monsters. As the smoke cleared, Exodia lunged at Blue-Eyes Ultimate, bit the dragon's right wing and tore it off. Enraged, the left head turned its attention to the guests and was going to fire a beam at them, but not before Exodia grabbed its neck and snapped it like a farmer does to a chicken. With the left head and neck hanging uselessly, Exodia focused his attention on the right head and used some magic to freeze it into an ice sculpture as he shattered it into a million, red pieces. Unable to escape, the Blue-Eyes Ultimate tried to fire one last beam but Exodia grabbed its remaining head and closed the dragon's mouth shut. Unable to open it jaws, the energy build-up was too great and as a result, the remaining head blew up in a blue fiery explosion. Having lost its remaining head, the giant dragon fell and crushed the kitchen, killing Magnum.

Out of options, Kaiba made a break for the bathroom only to be chased by Exodia. As he reached for the knob, Exodia broke through the door, knocked Kaiba out, and recognized Weevil sitting on a toilet.

* * *

(Flashback)

The Forbidden One remembered: After defeating Kaiba, Yugi showed him to Weevil who in turn, threw him off the boat and into the ocean. While his friend Joey Wheeler (before transition) recovered 2 pieces, the other 3 were gone. He remembered the cold, cruel, dark, depths of the ocean. The isolation, the torment and the madness that followed were unbearable. It was the first and only time, that Exodia was afraid, lost and sad. For many years, Exodia was imprisoned in a watery Hell, a Hell worse than the one in the ancient pyramid. No longer able to feel that warm Egyptian sun, his enemies splattered blood or even a woman's kiss after each victory, the once mighty Forbidden One mourned, and mourned, and mourned. Gone were the victories, gone were the harems, and gone were the stories. Had he not been rescued by the author, Exodia's torture would never have ended. And now, Exodia came face-to-face with the one responsible for all his suffering.

(Flashback ends)

Recalling what he did to Exodia in season 1 episode 2, Weevil looked at the towering monster, smiled and said, "Uh….hey there um …..look… about that night on the cruise…."

Exodia grabbed the now-screaming nerd, brought him inches from his own face and glared as he made eye contact. But before Weevil could beg, a bright light appeared and they both vanished.

* * *

Just then several police officers arrived and arrested Kaiba while freeing everyone. MutoCORP would need extensive repairs and heavy cleaning but was still in working order. Several paramedics also arrived and offered the newlyweds a hospital visit, but they were fine. Despite wanting to help, Mai and Yugi were urged to start their Honeymoon since the author has already gone on too long with Exodia to which they agreed.

*Airport*

Yugi and Mai were about to board a private jet to their honeymoon when Mai asked Yugi a question.

"Hey Yugi, what did Exodia do with Weevil?" Mai questioned.

"Well I'm not sure but knowing what Weevil did, it's gotta be brutal." Yugi responded.

* * *

*Pocket Dimension*

Regaining his consciousness, Weevil awoke to find that he was inside a card, his master was Basic Insect and they were on a luxurious cruise. Weevil had no idea what was going on or where the boat was going.

"That's a nice card, can I see it?" Said a voice which turned out to be Exodia.

Realizing what was happening, Weevil begged his master not to fall for it but the only one who could hear him was Exodia. Upon receiving the card, Exodia killed Basic Insect and glared at Weevil.

"Please….Exodia…I'm sorry….it'll never happen again…..I swear!" Weevil pleaded.

"Ah yes, ignorance….. _"Please, let me go, I'll change, I PROMISE!"_ I know your kind: willing to sell yourself to avoid justice." Exodia added.

"Please…just rip me to shreds…..don't throw me into the ocean." Weevil begged.

"The ocean? (chuckles) Oh Weevil, not the _ocean_." Exodia replied.

"I….. I don't understand." Weevil said all confused.

Exodia then turned the card so that it faced the _"ocean."_ To Weevil's horror, it was worse than any ocean he ever saw.

"Bile, excrement, urine, sweat, these are some of the countless foul liquids that fill this sea. Each one represents a time you lied, cheated and stole for your own gain. But of all your sins, the worst was casting me to the depths. You are to endure an eternity of suffering and torment the likes of which has yet been seen. There are no atolls, islands or land of any kind, only the vile fluids that cover this world. Upon throwing you I will vanish with the boat, leaving you with no salvation or any hope of escape. You are to suffer as I have suffered." Exodia declared.

(Hyperventilates) "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Weevil sobbed profusely.

"Oh poor, Weevil…. no friends, no heroes, no rescue. Yet there is one thing I desire." Exodia said.

"PLEASE I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING! WHATEVER YOU WANT I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU! NAME IT!" Weevil begged with some hope on his eyes.

"**Your endless suffering."** Exodia answered with a sadistic grin as he tossed Weevil off the boat.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Weevil cried as he fell into the disgusting tar beneath him. Unable to swim and having the shit fill his lungs up, Weevil gave in.

Satisfied, Exodia took the boat and left the pocket dimension.

* * *

A/N: Hey Guys, this chapter was going to have more Mai/Yugi content but I decided to use Exodia and make Weevil suffer. Chapter 5 will not only contain more Mai/Yugi content, it will also be the hottest by far. Anyway I'll have it up sometime this week. Take Care!


	5. Chapter 5: Adult Games

A/N: This is where it gets spicy! (Also I made a change to the ending of this chapter)

* * *

Chapter 5: Adult Games

*Aruba*

As Yugi and Mai's plane landed on the runway, they collected their bags and went to the luxurious resort known as _"Maximillian Pegasus' Luxurious Resort."_ Upon entering the resort, they are greeted by none other than Pegasus himself.

"Ah if it isn't my new client Yugi Muto, welcome to my luxurious resort!" Pegasus said as he shook Yugi's hand while giving Mia's hand a kiss.

"It's great to see you as well Pegasus!" Said Yugi.

"Charmed!" Said Mai.

"I heard all about your wedding: Kaiba-boy getting arrested, Jean-Claude Magnum's untimely end, and Weevil's sudden disappearance. Regardless I'm glad no one else was hurt." Said Pegasus.

"Yeah it was scary, but thankfully Exodia saved the day!" Said Yugi.

"Ah The Forbidden One, well played Yugi boy well played!" Pegasus congratulated Yugi.

"No worries!" Yugi replied.

"Yeah, say Pegasus where's our room?" Mai questioned.

"Right this way…oh wait…Sorry where are my manners? (Claps hands twice) Oh boys!" Pegasus ordered.

Several Ushers came in and brought Yugi and Mai's luggage to their room which overlooked the whole resort. After getting everything set up, the newlyweds decided to start things off with some snorkeling near the sunken WWII German merchant ship _SS Antilla_. As Yugi and Mai were about to leave, a security guard informed them that Pegasus needed to see them for a few minutes.

* * *

*Pegasus Suite*

As our heroes are brought into Pegasus' room, they are told to sign a waiver that they won't tell anyone what they are about to see. After signing, Pegasus walks up to a Relinquished statue, turns the eye and opens a secret passage to a hidden room which contained the skeleton of Pegasus' dead wife Cecelia.

"THE FUCK IS THAT?!" Mai and Yugi said at the same time.

"My beloved Cecelia. (sigh) For too long I've been without her but with your help, I can bring her back!" Said Pegasus.

"Uh okay but I'm lost: How can I bring Cecilia back?" Yugi asked.

"Well I need you to drool so I can rub your spit on her skeleton to bring her back!" Pegasus explained.

"Uh Pegasus, I don't have any healing powers." Yugi responded.

Pegasus looked confused: "What do you mean? I was informed that you could…(_"I'm Coming Out"_ ringtone plays) Oh sorry one second! (answers his cell phone) Pegasus here, hello? (listens) Wait Yugi doesn't have healing powers but you've found someone else who does? (listens intently before smiling) OH JOY! BRING HIM IN! THANK YOU! GOODBYE! (Hangs up) Sorry about the mix up Yugi Boy!" Pegasus apologized.

"No worries!" Yugi Replied.

Mai then says "Say Pegasus, congrats but there's this boat…"

"Don't worry, I've informed them to wait for you guys. Anyway I want you to see this!" Pegasus said all excited.

Just then a small boy with flip flops, jeans, black hair, a red shirt w/ a yellow star in the middle and a gem in his belly button is escorted by several guards.

"Uh hey Mr. Pegasus, my name is _Steven Universe, _your guards came up to me and asked that I use my healing powers?" Steven asked.

"Yes! You see that skeleton, that's my deceased wife Cecelia, I need you to bring her back with your spit, pretty please?" Asked Pegasus.

"Uh Mr. Pegasus, I have healing powers but to bring someone back, I would need to use my tears." Steven explained.

"Okay…..so…cry then, I won't judge you." Pegasus said.

"Yeah well (chuckle) I've been having a hard time being able to cry." Steven answered.

Pegasus' smile went away.

"Uh Mr. Pegasus?" Steven asked all confused.

"Guards." Ordered Pegasus.

Just then several very big guards showed up and grabbed Steven. Pegasus pushed a button that revealed a dentist chair with several straps, a device to keep people from closing their mouths, and several nightmare looking dentist tools. Steven tries to struggle but is met with _**"Hold him tighter he's a fighter!"**_ from Pegasus. As Steven is forcefully strapped in very tightly, Pegasus inserts a device to keep Steven from closing his jaws and readies a drill. Steven is freaking out.

"Uh Yugi what should we do?" Mai whispered to Yugi.

"Um….hey Pegasus…..I think you should first use some numbing…..(Pegasus drives a drill into a root of Steven's left molar causing the kid to scream bloody murder) **WHAT THE ****HOLY FUCK?!**" Yugi screamed w/ Mai.

As Pegasus drilled around Steven's Gums spewing blood everywhere, he switched to a pair of plyers and ripped out one of his molars, causing the kid to sob in pain. Grabbing a flask, Pegasus collected a few of the young half gem's tears and poured them onto Cecilia's Skeleton, thus bringing her back to life. Reunited, Pegasus embraced his wife Cecilia.

"Boss what about the kid?" A guard asked as he pointed to the bloodied, crying Steven.

"Ah yes here have your tooth back!" Pegasus said as he was handing Steven's tooth back but tripped and dropped it down a gutter.

"Oh butterfingers! Look use some paper towels to stop the bleeding, and for being such a trooper, here's a rare "Pyramid of Light Card!" Pegasus said as he handed the sobbing, bloody-mouthed Steven the card and ordered the guards to send him home.

Before Yugi or Mai could protest, Pegasus and Cecilia went at it like Rabbits, signaling that it was time for our heroes to leave.

* * *

*Boat*

"Yugi we should notify someone." Mai said.

"We can't because of the waiver, not to mention Steven Universe is an SJW show." Yugi responded.

"Fair Point." Mai Conceded.

"Look Mai as terrifying as that was, let's just enjoy ourselves, this fanfic is for us after all." Yugi mentioned.

"Can't argue with that." Mai said as she kissed Yugi.

At the climax of the 3-hour tour, Yugi and Mai went snorkeling, saw some sea turtles eating Jellyfish, came across the sunken ruins of the _SS Antilla, _and even saw a shark kill and eat a manatee. While the latter looked sad, all it did was make Mai and Yugi hungry so they made their way back to the boat. On route to the ship, Yugi got a great view of his wife: Mai's wetsuit really complimented her figure, ass and rack.

As Mai got onboard, she helped Yugi onto the ship and said "Hey Yuuuuuuu….….."

"Mai?" Yugi asked.

Following her eyes, Yugi saw that he had pitched a very huge tent in his wetsuit. As several people laughed, Yugi ran to the ship's unisex changing room, locked himself in and cried. Mai glared at the hecklers which shut them all up, ran up to the door Yugi was hiding behind and knocked.

* * *

"Yugi? Are you in there?" Mai asked.

"Yes." Said Yugi.

"Look there's nothing to be ashamed of, please let me in." Mai assured.

Yugi unlocks the door and Mai sits next to him.

"Everyone saw my bulge! Now they all think I'm some pervert like that _Brock_ guy from Pokémon or that _Roshi_ guy from Dragon Ball!" Yugi Lamented.

"Yugi guys get boners so long as they don't have erectile dysfunction." Mai said.

"True…..but now…..I'm stuck with this awkward boner!" Yugi cried.

"Well we could…no, no, no way to risky. Well why not go use the bathroom and "relieve" yourself?" Mai suggested.

"Okay." Yugi Smiled.

As our heroes made their way to the restroom, they came across a foul stench before even opening the door.

"OH GOD THAT SHIT'S RANK!" Yugi Coughed.

"MY EYES ARE WATERY!" Mai coughed as well.

Back at the changing room.

"Phew, I think the stench is making my boner go away." Yugi said with a sigh of relief.

"Really?" Mai said with a smile as she leaned forward to Yugi and unintentionally provided him with a glimpse of her cleavage.

"Uh…..Mai?" Yugi said as his blood went from his head to his schlong.

Mai looks at her chest.

"Oh…..shit!" Mai face-palms.

* * *

*Land*

Back in their regular clothes, Yugi and Mai started walking really fast to the hotel, Yugi is holding some extra clothes in front of his crotch in a vain attempt to conceal his boner.

"Mai…..I don't think I can make it." Yugi said.

"What about a public restroom?" Mai asked.

"If I get caught in there I'll be labeled a sex offender!" Yugi whispered back.

"Shit you're right, look we're here!" Said Mai.

* * *

*Hotel*

Yugi and Mai are at the elevator and are about to head up.

"Hey hold that elevator!" Said an overweight couple as they boarded the elevator. Due to the weight, the load needed to be lightened. Unable to convince the spoiled couple, our heroes needed to use the stairs.

Upon making it to their suite, Mai and Yugi ran to the bathroom but were met with a monitor above the handle with an automated message from Pegasus:

"Welcome to Pegasus' Resort where Duel Monsters and…"

"PEGASUS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE UNLOCK THE DOOR!" Yugi begged.

"Ah I see you've discovered our latest security measures for first time guests!" Said the automated message. "For bath/showers, please press….."

**"GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT PEGASUS! I KEPT OUR END OF THE DEAL THAT I WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING, I'M SUFFERING FROM A NEARLY ****4 HOUR LONG BONER**** WITH NO RELEASE! NOW FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE OPEN THIS PIECE OF SHIT DOOR RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"** Yugi roared in pain.

"Access granted!" As the door unlocked.

Yugi ran in, undid his pants, sat on the toilet but stalled, his sore erection twitching for help.

"Mai….the pain….I thinks it's…..going to…" Said Yugi as he nearly passed out.

"YUGI IF YOU DON'T RELEASE NOW YOU'll NEVER (Yugi's eyes are fighting to stay open)….LOOK HERE!" Mai said as she grabbed her top and tore it off, revealing her perfect d-cups. Needless to say, Yugi was awake. Kneeling down, Mai gently grab's Yugi's meat stick and gives it some much needed love and attention. Several strokes, a tit-fuck and a blowjob, Yugi was very close.

"OH MAI YES! DON'T FUCKING STOP, OH FUCK YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!" Yugi said in ecstasy as he climaxed into Mai's welcoming throat.

"Oh…ho…ho…Mai….thank…." Yugi's eyes closed and fell forward as Mai caught him.

* * *

*20 minutes later*

Yugi awoke in bed with his pants and underwear missing, Mai (completely topless) walks over and lays next to him.

"Are you okay?" Mai asked.

"Yeah, the pain is finally gone, but wait where's my pants and underwear?" Yugi asked.

"When you passed out I needed to see if your dick suffered any damage." Mai answered.

Yugi then had a horrified expression on his face as he was too terrified to look under the covers.

"Oh don't worry your dick isn't damaged or anything!" Mai reassured.

"Oh Thank God!" Yugi said as he checked his equipment.

"Wait Yugi, can I touch it again?" Mai asked.

"Oh absolutely!" Said Yugi as he tossed the covers.

Mai sat next to Yugi, wrapped her arm around his shoulder, and rubbed his dick with the other.

"MMMMmmmmmm Mai….." Yugi said as he sucked Mai's right tit.

Taking things further, Mai stopped, stripped her remaining clothes and decided to use the Black Bee Karmasutra position on Yugi. The two lovers passionately fucked to the sound of AeroSmith's _"Crazy" _blasting in the background. Mai's tits bounced and hypnotized Yugi as she rode him.

Several cheesy lines and 10 minutes of sex later, Yugi and Mai climaxed as they fell asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

*One Week Later*

Pegasus is bidding Mai and Yugi farewell as they are boarding their plane with "Thank you both for visiting my Resort, please fill out our survey and give a positive….."

Just then Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Lapis, Peridot and Connie show up with Steven, whose mouth is filled with numerous cotton balls.

**"THERE HE IS! HE'S THE ONE WHO RUINED MY MOUTH!"** Steven pointed at Pegesus in a muffled cry.

**"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"** Pegasus yelled as he pushed a button on his watch which summoned numerous heavily armed guards as they engaged the crystal gems. Pearl managed to decapitate three guards while Garnet had a fist fight with a rather large guard. Amethyst, Lapis, Peridot and Connie managed to land a few kills as well.

Pegasus pulled out a .44 magnum and shot at Pearl's forehead which destroyed her gem, and caused her to poof. He tried shooting the other gems but only managed to injure Garnet.

Having spent his 6 rounds, Pegasus tried to run but Lapis used her water arms to subdue him as Steven ran up and ripped out his Millennium Eye and skull-fucked him. This caused the billionaire to scream out in pain.

**"HOW DOES IT FEEL NOW YOU FAGGOT?!"** Steven boasted.

As the fight between the gems and Pegasus intensified, Yugi and Mai got on their plane and flew off.

* * *

A/N: Hey guys originally I had Steven just rip The Millennium eye out but I decided to have Steven skull-fuck Pegasus for more lols. Anyway chapter 6 will be up sometime this week. See you soon!


	6. Chapter 6: Results

A/N: Hey guys sorry about the delay, I had to take care of a few personal projects but I'm back.

* * *

Chapter 6: Results

After Mai and Yugi left, the resort was investigated by the Aruban government. To avoid prison time, Pegasus apologized to Steven and offered him a position at his company Industrial Illusions. Satisfied w/ skull-fucking Pegasus, Steven turned it down in favor of getting a golden tooth and an undisclosed sum of money. Upon getting said tooth and receiving his sum, Steven and his friends went home. Due to their limited involvement, Yugi and Mai were off the hook. Despite the chaos, the honeymoon was awesome.

* * *

*MutoKorp – Yugi's office*

Yugi is in his office (which used to be Kaiba's) and is on the phone with the head of Konami.

**"ARE YOU SHITTING ME?! MORE CARDS ARE GETTING BANNED?!** **HOW THE HELL DOES THAT HAPPEN?!** (listens) **I'VE ABOUT HAD IT UP TO ****FUCKING**** HERE WITH YOU AND YOUR BULLSHIT! SO MANY FORMER EMPLOYEES ARE TALKING SHIT ABOUT US BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR ASS-KISSERS! OUR PROFITS ARE DOWN, THE GAMES AREN'T SELLING, PLUS OUR FORMER FANS ARE TURNING TO COMPETITORS LIKE NINTENDO AND CAPCOM! **(pauses and listens) **MOBILE GAMES?! THAT'S YOUR FUCKING EXCUSE?! THAT'S FUCKING IT: YOU AND YOUR CIRCLE-JERKING ASSOCIATES ARE FUCKING FIRED! I'M REPLACING YOU SHITLORDS WITH PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT OTHERS AS WELL AS GAMING! I'LL RESTRUCTURE KONAMI FROM THE GODDAMN GROUND UP IF NEED BE!** (listens final time) **THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?! I'LL BLACK LIST YOU MOTHER FUCKERS SO GOODAMN HARD EVEN PORN SITES WON'T ACCEPT YOUR SORRY ASSES, NOW FUCK OFF!"** Yugi roared as he slammed his office phone hard, breaking it. Spent from raging, Yugi calmed down, tossed it into a pile of broken phones and asked his secretary for a new, sturdier one. Upon receiving the new sturdier phone, Yugi thanked his secretary and sent her back. Looking at the clock which read 5:00 pm, Yugi clocked out and went home.

* * *

*Muto Mansion*

"Ugh….." Yugi said as he massaged his brow while sitting in his room.

"What's wrong dear?" Mai said as she massaged her husband's shoulders, she is only wearing her robe.

"It's those cocksuckers at Konami, they only care about money yet they are ruining Duel Monsters." Yugi answered.

"Sorry to hear that, here let me help." Mai Said seductively.

Stripping, Mai undid Yugi's pants and rode her husband. Her tits were all over Yugi's face, his hands on her ass-cheeks and his dick in her snatch. After 10 intense minutes of sex, Yugi and Mai climaxed at the same time.

Exhausted, Yugi ordered some carry out, ate w/ Mai then crawled into bed with her.

* * *

(Two Weeks Later)

Yugi got home and was all very happy: Having fired all the assholes at Konami while replacing them with better people, Konami was able to win back the hearts and minds of fans. Yugi was so excited he told Mai everything. Overjoyed, Mai showered Yugi with kisses as he did the same.

"Say Mai, let's have some fun!" Yugi said as he was about to grab a bottle of wine.

"Thanks Yugi but I can't drink right now." Mai said.

"You sure Mai?" Yugi asked.

"Well…." Mai Said as she showed Yugi a pregnancy test that read positive.

"Wait….(recounts all the times he and Mai had sex which to be honest both had lost count)…..so you and I are….? (Mai nods smiling)…THIS IS WONDERFUL!" Yugi said as he kissed Mai. While kissing her, Yugi was unbuttoning her shirt but Mai stopped him.

"Sorry Yugi, not while I'm pregnant." Mai said.

"Actually, sex during pregnancy reduces labor pains." Said Yugi.

"Oh, okay lets fuck!" Said Mai as they had more sex.

* * *

The next 9 months took a toll on our lovebirds: Mai had to deal with morning illnesses, mood swings, cravings and other shit women go through when pregnant. And whenever Mai wasn't well, Yugi would have to act.

* * *

*MutoKorp, Yugi's Office*

Using her I.D. Card, Mai (6 months pregnant) enters Yugi's office and shuts the door, her husband Yugi is surprised.

"Uhh…oh hey Mai how goes it?" Yugi asked.

"Hey Yugi, I need you to pick these items up for me." Mai said as she handed Yugi a list of expensive foods. As Yugi read the list, he was shocked to see the items consisted of seedless watermelons, Peking Ducks, and even caviar of all things just to name a few.

"Uh wow Mai this is quite the selection but…are you sure that you need …? (Mai then grabs Yugi's crotch and forces him up) AAAAAAAAAGH!" Yugi yelped.

"WHO'S **PREGNANT?!**" Mai said menacingly.

"You…are." Yugi said between breaths.

"WHO HAS TO GO THROUGH **LABOR PAINS?!**" Mai asked, her grip on Yugi's balls tightened.

"OH YOU DO!" Yugi yelped.

"GOOD! So, be a good 5 ft. fuck-boi and go grab everything on that list okay?" Mai Said as she started to pull on Yugi's junk.

"OKAY, OKAY, OKAY! I'LL DO IT!" Yugi begged.

"Good." Mai said as she released Yugi's junk, causing Yugi to curl in his chair.

Upon seeing Yugi in pain, Mai came to her senses, cried and hugged him. Despite being in pain, Yugi comforted her.

"Mai…..ow…it's okay….ow." Yugi said while trying to recover.

* * *

*9 months pregnant*

Yugi and Mai had been to several pregnancy classes and had gotten a nursery set up that was filled w/ chibi Exodia's for their child to enjoy. Mai added a Harpy Ladies mobile to their child's crib.

"Uh Mai, are you sure about a Harpy Ladies mobile?" Yugi asked.

Expecting to get yelled at, Mai surprised Yugi by saying "Well if it's a girl, this Mobile could teach her to be a strong, confident woman when she grows up!"

Not wanting to infuriate his mood-swinging pregnant wife, Yugi went with the flow.

(Later that day in the living room)

"Uhhh Yugi my water broke!" Mai said.

Yugi enters and says "Don't worry Mai, I'm here to…." (sees that Mai's water broke over what was once a nice rug)

Before Yugi could say anything.

"Look once we find a sitter, I blow you under your desk for a month." Mai said as she apologized.

"Deal." Said Yugi.

* * *

A/N: Hey guys again sorry for the delay, I'll have the next chapter up by tomorrow or Friday at the latest. Take Care!


	7. Chapter 7: Delivery

A/N: Hey guys sorry for the late update, I had to take care of a few projects, anyway on with the story!

* * *

Chapter 7: Delivery

*Muto Mansion*

"Don't worry Mai, were gonna get you to a hospital and….(opens front door) oh my Dark Magician ballsack!" Said Yugi.

As it turned out, numerous Black Lives Matter, Antifa and PETA protestors were blocking the driveway gate exit. Chants of _**"BLUE-EYES WHITE DRAGON IS NAZISM!"**_ to _**"RED-EYES BLACK DRAGONS MATTER!"**_, and even _**"IT'S NOT DUEL MONSTERS, IT'S VIOLENCE!"**_ just to name a few.

Yugi then said to the protestors "Everyone look my wife is going into labor if you could please make a path so that we can head to the hospital that would…."

The crowd only booed Yugi while giving him the finger.

Mai was about to say something but was hit by her first contraction.

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"** Mai roared in pain.

**"MAI!" **Said Yugi as he ran to his wife by the door, the protestors started laughing at the couple's pain.

**"YUGI WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!"** Mai said as her makeup was getting ruined by sweat and tears.

Before Yugi could respond there was a blinding flash of light followed by numerous bloodcurdling screams outside. As the light dimmed, all of the protestors had vanished and in their place was Exodia.

"Exodia?" Yugi questioned.

"There isn't much time." Said The Forbidden One as he paused Mai in suspended animation.

Yugi then said "HEY WHY DID YOU….?"

"We must act quickly if your wife and child are to survive." Said Exodia as he teleported himself, Yugi and Mai to his world.

* * *

*Strange place in time*

Yugi wakes up to find that he's in a medical exam room and dressed in scrubs. Also, he discovers that Mai is laying down in an operating chair. As she regains consciousness, her labor is still on pause.

"Mai!" Yugi said as he rushes to her but is interrupted by Exodia.

**"Wait."** Said Exodia.

As the lights came on, the Egyptian Gods appeared causing Exodia to kneel in respect.

"Welcome Exodia." Said Obelisk the Tormentor.

"For 5,000 years we have tested you, Exodia the Forbidden One to see if you are worthy of becoming an Egyptian God Card." Said Slifer the Sky Dragon.

"And now all that stands between you and Godhood is this final test. Succeed and you shall join us, fail and you will be barred forever." Said The Winged Dragon of Ra.

"Yes my masters." Exodia replied, still kneeling.

"Wait, what of the boy?" Asked Slifer.

"He is one of my assistants for the operation for I shall save his wife Mai Valentine and their unborn child. If left unchecked, Mai will perish during labor along with her newborn, which would lead Yugi Moto down a path of torment, decay, sorrow and death." Replied Exodia as he continued to kneel.

"And where are the other assistants?" Asked Ra.

"They are right here." Exodia said as he summoned 3 nurse Harpy Ladies, he was still kneeling in respect.

"Very well, now let the trial begin, you may rise Exodia." Said Obelisk.

"As you wish." Exodia said as he rose to begin the operation.

Exodia then resumed Mai's labor as he got things started. Harpy Ladies examining Mai's signs, Yugi comforting his wife and Exodia was ready to deliver the newborn. After 2 hours of labor instead of the usual 6-8 hours due to Exodia just being Exodia, Mai gave birth to a healthy baby girl.

"…Yugi…..it's….**it's a girl!"** Mai said.

"A girl?...**WE HAVE A DAUGHTER!"** Said Yugi.

The new parents were over the moon due to the successful delivery. After Exodia cut the umbilical cord and cleaned the child, he gave her back to Yugi and Mai.

"I have saved this family from total destruction." Said Exodia.

"Very well, we will determine your results, Yugi, his wife and newborn are free to leave." Said Ra.

Our heroes are transported back to their bedroom.

* * *

*Bedroom* (filled with snacks and drinks courtesy of Exodia)

Yugi's family arrives to check on the new parents.

"Oh she's absolutely beautiful!" Said Yugi's Mom as she held the new baby.

"Thanks her name is Beatrix or "Trixie" for short!" Said Yugi.

"That's my grandson!" Solomon said as he congratulated Yugi.

"Yugi we heard that your mansion was under attack by protestors and then this big monster thing killed them in one blast!" Yugi's Mom said.

"Don't worry Mom, Exodia also saved Mai, Trixie and myself included! Plus, he was awesome enough to help deliver our Baby!" Said Yugi.

"Plus since he's magical, Exodia was able to reduce my labor from 8 hrs. to just 2!" Added Mai.

"Wow that's awesome!" Said Yugi's Mom who was a little jealous of that fact.

"Yup, I wonder how his exam went? I hope he Ace's it!" Said Yugi.

Just then the doorbell rings, Solomon answers it, sees Exodia (shrunk down to the size of a 7 ft. tall human) then brings him to Yugi and Mai's room.

"Hi Exodia! Welcome to our home and thanks for saving our family!" Said Yugi.

The Forbidden One was silent.

"So…..would you like some snacks?" Mai offered.

"…..Just some Oreo Ice cream and a tall boy Pasbt Blue Ribbon….. please." Said Exodia, who didn't sound like himself.

"Coming right up!" Said Yugi as he was about to scoop out one of the already open ice cream containers.

"No bowl… just that tub will suffice." Said Exodia.

"Okaaaaay then um… here's your tub of Oreo Ice Cream with a spoon and one tall boy PBR." Said Yugi.

"…..Thanks." Said The Forbidden One.

Exodia cracked open the can, poured its contents into the tub of ice cream, sat on a couch and started to eat, drink the beer Oreo ice-cream. Upon finishing the tub, he used magic to fill it up again with more ice cream and beer. This went on for a solid 5 minutes before he stopped, put the spoon in the tub, placed it on the floor and remained seated with his head staring at the ground.

"…Exodia….….is something wrong?" Asked Yugi as he'd never seen The Forbidden One act like this.

Still facing the ground, Exodia said something inaudible.

"Wait I didn't get that." Said Yugi.

The Forbidden One just mumbles.

"We can't hear what you're saying." Asked Yugi.

"….My….. final… test….." Exodia said silently but audible enough for everyone to hear.

"Oh yeah you saved my son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter for your test! So how did it go? I bet you got high marks!" Said Yugi's Mom.

Unable to contain it any more, Exodia made an announcement.

**"…THEY FLUNKED ME!"** Exodia said as he brought both palms to his eyes, sobbed heavily, ran to the basement, locked the door and continued to cry, causing everyone to glare at Yugi's Mom Sugoroku.

"What? There's always next year!" Yugi's Mom said in defense.

Just then baby Trixie started to cry, causing everyone to glare at Sugoroku even more.

"…Sorry." Sugoroku apologized.

* * *

A/N: Poor Exodia…Can Yugi and friends help him out? Tune in this week to find out!


	8. Chapter 8: Picking up the Pieces

A/N: Hey guys sorry for the delay, on with the show!

* * *

Chapter 8: Picking up the Pieces

*Yugi's Mansion basement*

Yugi and his family head downstairs to comfort the grief-stricken Exodia.

"But Exodia you did a great job! How could the Egyptian Gods flunk you?" Asked Yugi.

The Forbidden One wiped his nose and said "Well….."

* * *

*Flashback*

Exodia is standing before the Egyptian Gods, he is accompanied by the Harpy Ladies.

"I have performed the tasks at hand, my masters." Exodia said with the utmost respect as the Harpy Ladies had their arms around him.

"Yes Exodia the Forbidden One, no monster has ever come this far to achieve Godhood." Said Obelisk.

"And should you achieve Godhood, you'll join our council." Slifer Added.

"You are indeed a mighy...fool." Said Ra.

"Thank you my masters I…..WHAT?" Exodia questioned.

"Having saved Yugi, Mai and their daughter, you have interfered with our best interests." Said Ra.

"Without Mai or Beatrix, Yugi would've turned to a life of evil sorcery and resurrect us." Said Obelisk.

"As a result, we Egyptian Gods must wait until another _YU-GI-OH!_ anime is released before we try again with another sad main character, or use a pre-existing one." Said Slifer.

"We expected more from you Exodia: so much promise and yet, a disappointment." Said Ra.

Struggling to maintain his demeanor, Exoda said "…..With all respect….this wasn't part…"

The Egyptian Gods fused into one, towering monster and looked down at Exodia in his face.

**"YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO SAY WHAT **_**IS**_** OR **_**ISN'T**_** PART OF A TEST, FORBIDDEN ONE!" **The Combined Egyptian God roared in a loud, thundering, demonic voice which caused the Harpies to cower behind the internally scared Exodia.

The Gods continued with, **"YOU WERE OUR CHAMPION TIME AND TIME AGAIN SINCE BIRTH! ABLE TO COMPLETE TASKS THE LIKES OF WHICH OEDIPUS, HERCULES OR THOSE EGYPTIAN DOGS FROM SPYRO: YEAR OF THE DRAGON COULDN'T SOLVE! AND YET YOU FAIL YOUR FINAL EXAM OVER FEELINGS INSTEAD OF APPLYING LOGIC! FOR YOUR IGNORANCE, NOT ONLY ARE YOU BARRED FROM JOINING, YOU SHALL ALSO WATCH AS ANOTHER SUCCEEDS WHERE YOU HAVE FAILED!"**

Just then a figure emerged from the shadows, he held the remains of Jayden's wife and son.

"My Lords, Exodia, I have massacred Jayden's family and friends, soon he shall be molded into an evil sorcerer and free you all!" Said the figure.

The Gods unfused and said, "Excellent job, Zork."

**"ZORK?!"** Said Exodia, he remembered getting bested by Zork in sparing matches since they were children and for a long time, Zork seemed most likely to be the next Egyptian God. But since Konami never made him into a card, he fled allowing Exodia a chance to be next in line.

"Yup I remember shoving your face in the sand as you cried when we were kids! (sees Harpies) Hey Babes!" Said Zork as he extended his demonic lower head.

Upon seeing Zork's massive lower head, the Harpies flew to the endowed demon, thus abandoning Exodia. The former champion felt low, deeper than the bottom of the ocean.

"Aw don't worry X'odie you can always be an, _**IRISH BACHELOR!**_" Zork taunted as he, The Harpies and Egyptian Gods laughed at Exodia, causing him to leave.

* * *

*Flashback ends*

After finishing his story, the dishonored Exodia continues to sob.

"And even if I did know, I would never hurt you guys!" Exodia cried.

"We're sorry for your loss Exodia." Said Yugi.

"Not to mention, The Egyptian Gods took my home and gave it to Zorc!" Said Exodia.

"Oh no!" Said Yugi.

"Hey Yugi, I know that aside from the stun-gun, your Grandpa and I haven't contributed much to this Crack fic so how about we look after Exodia?" Said Yugi's Mom.

"Well, okay." Said Yugi.

* * *

*One year and a half later*

After trying to call his mom, Yugi decided to check on Exodia.

(Yugi knocks on door)

"Oh sweetie what brings you here?" His mom said with a nervous smile.

"Hey Mom, (walks in) I was wondering how Exodia's been doing?" Yugi asked.

Just then Exodia, (wearing a Maid apron and holding cleaning supplies) walks in.

"Mrs. Muto I cleaned all the dirty toilets like you asked, but I still feel miserable." Said Exodia.

"Uh…." Yugi's Mom was caught.

**"YOU'VE BEEN USING EXODIA TO DO MENIAL SLAVE JOBS AROUND THE HOUSE INSTEAD OF HELPING HIM?!"** Yugi questioned all pissed off.

"…..Yes." Yugi's Mom admitted.

Grandpa then enters the house.

"Hey Sugoroku can I borrow Exodia? I need him to pose in front of the store (notices what's happening) gotta go!" Said Soloman as he leaves.

"Yugi I'm sorry, he seemed much cheaper and safer than hiring a maid who could be an illegal alien who also steals stuff when you aren't looking." Yugi's Mom admitted.

"Okay Racism aside, I'm taking Exodia back home with me!" Said Yugi.

* * *

After returning home, Yugi explained everything to Mai so they got Exodia set up in the basement where he could sleep on the couch. Back upstairs, Yugi is trying to calm his crying daughter Trixie down by giving her a bunch of monster dolls. Mai is out shopping for stuff to give Trixie.

"I don't get it, there's got to be a monster she likes!" Said Yugi.

Just then she stops crying and stretched her arms out in an attempt to reach something behind Yugi. As our hero turns around, he sees that Trixie is pointing to The Exodia Doll. Acting fast, Yugi gets the doll and gives it to his daughter, causing her to smile as she plays with it.

"Phew!" Said Yugi.

Mai then returns from the store and walks into the room.

"Hey Mai, Trixie was crying but when I gave her an Exodia doll, she stopped and is now happy!" Said Yugi.

"Wow that's amazing, but I thought we were going to hold off on Exodia?" Asked Mai.

"True, but I tried everything else." Yugi Explained.

"Don't worry, I got an idea! (To Trixie) HEY BABY HERE'S A SUPER HARPIE LADY DOLL JUST FOR YOU!" Said Mai as she handed Trixie the doll.

Trixie starts treating the doll like a baby.

Mai was all "WOW TRIXIE YOU'RE MAKING SO MUCH PROGRESS…"

Trixie then rips the head off, chucks it at a wall, drops the rest of it, grabs Exodia and giggles a lot.

"…..aaaaaaaaaaaand we're back to square one." Mai said, accepting defeat.

Later that night, Yugi looks up and calls a bunch of different professional nurses to see if any of them could help Exodia, all of them declined. Several months later, Mai and Yugi were still trying to find a nurse.

* * *

*Basement*

"I'm sorry Exodia but we're still looking." Said Yugi.

"M'kay." Was all Exodia said.

Just then Mai then came down stairs holding a crying Trixie.

Mai was all, "I don't know if it's teething, or gas or…."

Trixie stops crying as she looks at Exodia and tries to reach him with her little hands.

"Hey look Mai, she wants Exodia to hold her!" Said Yugi.

"Are you guys sure about this?" Exodia questioned.

"Yeah it's fine.' Said Mai as she handed Exodia their daughter.

Being careful, Exodia cradled the baby in his arms.

"….E...X'odia….Exodia." Was the child's first word as she drifted off to sleep in his arms.

Yugi, Mai and Exodia were shocked, in a good way.

* * *

A/N: Hey guys hope you enjoyed that! Currently I'm juggling this story along with my Last Airbender and Lapis/Edd fics as well, I'll keep you posted!


	9. Chapter 9: A New Nurse

A/N: Hey guys sorry for the delay, I had to deal with several BS projects but here's the next part!

* * *

Chapter 9: A New Nurse

As the weeks went by, Exodia slowly recovered but still needed help.

*Yugi's Office, video meeting with several KONAMI execs*

"So ladies and gentlemen if we…._oooh_….I mean if we can focus less time on…._yeeeees that's it_…micro transactions and…._oh baby_….and more on AAA games…._don't stop_…..we can recover…_mmmmmm_….lost profits and fans." Yugi said as he sat in his desk.

"Okay then Mr. MutuSan, the other execs and myself feel that since you fired so many greedy people and hired new, fresh minds, we should rename the Card division." Asked a new senior official.

"Yes…any..._oooooooh_... name ideas?" Yugi asked trying to conceal his excitement.

As several directors pitched their ideas, (none of which were working out) everyone turned their attention to Yugi, with another executive asking "Mr. MutuSan, what name do you have in….?"

**"OH MAI VALENTINE MUTO YOUR TONGUE IS SO FUCKING GREAT!"** Yugi Blurted out in climactic bliss before coming back to his senses. "Oh….guys I….."

"That…is…..THE BEST NAME EVER!" One executive clapped along with the others.

"Awesome…and guys, we should just call it "Mai V." after my lovely wife!" Yugi suggested.

"Okay….thanks Yugi!" All the businessmen said in unison before ending the meeting.

"Phew!" Yugi said as he turned his mic and computer off as he reclined in his chair.

Turns out, Mai had been blowing Yugi under his desk the whole time.

"Close one." Mai said as she got up to get cleaned off.

After looking up numerous nurses, Yugi found a good match and after an interview, hired her on the spot.

* * *

*Mutu residence 1 week later*

Since Trixie was in Kindergarten, Exodia was chilling in the basement.

"Hey Exodia, there's someone we'd like you to meet!" Said Yugi.

Exodia sighed with an, "M'Kay."

As Yugi opened the door, The Forbidden One was greeted by the sight of Injection Fairy Lilly.

**"OMG IT'S REALLY THE FORBIDDEN ONE! MY NAME'S_ LILLY_ AND I'M AM A HUGE FAN!"** Lilly said all girly.

"Why…..thanks…I feel the same way! I mean have the same feelings towards you….I mean I'm also a huge fan!" Exodia rebounded.

"COOL! Thanks Mr. Yugi I'll make sure he gets better!" Said Lilly.

"Awesome! Mai and I are going on a date, and will be back by 10:30. There's food, water and our numbers are on the fridge! Take care!" Said Yugi as he left with Mai.

Lilly spent the day getting Exodia back on his feet through exercise, good food, a few healthy injections (prescribed ones) and even the occasional "massage downstairs." And since this a crack fic, the two fell in love. As the day ended, Yugi and Mai returned, Lilly gave them great reports and went home, things were looking up for Exodia.

* * *

*Next Day Restaurant*

Exodia is having a meal after a long day of working out (he can't keep his mind off of Lilly) when he is approached by three figures dressed in baggy clothes/hoodies.

"Can I help you?" Asked Exodia.

"Exodia…we need your help." Said the middle figure who was Ra while the others were Obelisk and Sliefer.

"I don't understand?" Said Exodia.

"It's Zorc, ever since we made him a God, he's been leading Duel Monsters into chaos." Said Obelisk.

"Then why not take his powers away?" Exodia asked.

"We would, except he took ours first…now we have nothing!" Explained Sliefer as he face-palmed.

"But we still have you….and this." Said Ra as he presented Exodia with a small stone tablet.

"What is this?" Asked Exodia.

"When Zorc was created, there was a chant, inscribed in this very stone tablet to use as a fail-safe should Zorc ever try to rule the world. But it turns out that only you can decipher it. Once recited, Zorc's powers will be gone, forever." Said Obelisk.

Exodia didn't know what to think: he hated the Gods for what they did to him, but now he had a chance to redeem himself and defeat Zork.

"Zorc is backed by a zealous army of Former Konami Execs!" Said Obelisk.

"Zorc also supports shittier Yugioh spin-offs!" Said Sliefer.

"Zorc also wants to kill Yugi, Mai, Trixie and ban any positive reference of you!" Said Ra.

Just then, Lilly showed up, ran to Exodia and cried into his shoulders.

**"ZORC DESTROYED MY HOME, KILLED MY OTHER PATIENTS AND BRUTALLY MURDERED MY WHOLE FAMILY! I FUCKING HATE ZORC! SHOULD YOU BEST HIM IN COMBAT, MY BODY WILL BE YOURS TO RAVISH, PLAY WITH AND CLAIM AS YOURS AND YOURS ALONE EXODIA THE FORBIDDEN ONE!"** Lilly grew her breasts to natural D-cups as she looked at Exodia with begging Anime Eyes.

Exodia then turned to the Gods and said **"I'LL WHOOP ZORC'S SORRY-ASS AND ANY PIECES OF SHIT WHO SUPPORT HIM, STRAIGHT TO THE FUCKING SHADOW-REALM!"**

The Gods were pleased, Lilly kissed The Forbidden One and everyone in the restaurant applauded the rejuvenated hero.

Exodia and Lilly went home to Yugi and Mai, told them everything and got ready for the upcoming battle.

* * *

A/N: Yup the final battle is approaching! Yugi, Mai, Lilly and Exodia will square off against Zorc and his minions! Tune in next week for the thrilling fight!


	10. Chapter 10: The fate of Duel Monsters

A/N: Hey Guys, I was buried in a bunch of stuff but am now back on track!

* * *

Chapter 10: The Fate of Duel Monsters

*Muto Mansion*

Zorc has opened a huge portal and is sending out hordes of demons led by former KONAMI execs. Yugi, Mai, Solomon and even Yugi's Mom are armed to the teeth with firepower supplied by Pegasus after he recovered from his skull-fuck session at the hands of Steven Universe. As the first wave of demons and sequel Yu-Gi-Oh show monsters approach the mansion, Yugi and Friends cut down the smaller ones as Exodia crushes the larger ones. The former KONAMI Execs hid behind their fallen comrades like a bunch of cowards. As the bodies pile up, another batch of demons simply surround the mansion causing a cease fire.

* * *

Exodia walks outside of the Mansion to confront Zorc and his followers.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the (former) Forbidden One?" Taunted Zorc and he is accompanied by the 3 Harpy Ladies from earlier.

"Zorc, your bullshit has cost…(Zorc kicks Exodia in the balls) **AAAAAAAGH! FUCK! SERIOUSLY?!**" Exodia screamed as he rolled up into fetal position.

"EXODIA!" Yugi and his friends screamed at the same time.

Zorc then proceeded to punch, elbow and kick Exodia into an inch of his life.

"Poor Exodia, first you lost your chance at Godhood, and now…YOUR FRIENDS!" Zorc laughed as his demon followers grabbed Yugi and his friends.

"And now…..the child!" Zorc said as his elite demon grabbed Trixie.

Yugi and Mai were powerless to stop Zorc and watched helplessly as their child was being taken from them.

**"EXODIA PLEASE HELP ME!"** Trixie said with tears in her eyes.

"_EXODIA PLEASE SAVE ME! _**SHUT IT YOU LITTLE SHIT!**" Zorc said as his dragon "limb" was looking to devour the child.

Remembering the stone slab, Exodia got up and barked at Zorc.

**"**_**SKEDADDLE SKIDOODLE, YOUR DICK IS NOW A NOODLE!"**_ Exodia chanted.

Zorc stopped and laughed.

"REALLY?! YOU THINK A DEAD MEME WILL…..(0.0)…..**WHAT IS HAPPENING?!**" Said Zorc.

Just then his monster dick shrank to the size of a noodle. As a result, Zorc as a whole shrank to the size of a high school nerd.

With their master defeated, the other demons tried to flee, but Nurse Lilly came in and fired numerous dirty-used-needles. (Since the needles spawned out of thin air, Lilly herself never touched them and is safe) The Demons became infected and died not long after getting hit.

**"TRIXIE!"** Yugi and Mai said in unison as they were reunited with their daughter.

Zorc was trying to escape but Exodia used his remaining strength to grab the noodle-dick demon and beat him like a punching bag.

Just then numerous S.W.A.T./ ARMY vehicles rolled in and arrested the former KONAMI execs. As this is happening, Jayden (evil) shows up and is all "Sorry I'm late Zorc, a PRIDE parade made traffic a nightmare and…." (sees what has happened but before he can escape, Lilly fires a syringe-dart to his neck, killing him instantly)

* * *

As the battle ends, Yugi and his friends regroup at the mansion's yard.

"Thanks guys, but what about Exodia?" Asked Yugi.

The Egyptian Gods then circle the bloodied Zorc and reclaim their magic. Rejuvenated, the God Cards thank Exodia and offer to heal him, only for Lilly to step in and offer to heal him herself to which Obelisk, Slyther and Ra agree.

Yugi and the gang thank Exodia and Lilly as they depart.

* * *

*A few weeks later*

Trixie is spending the weekend with Sugoroku and Solomon while Yugi and Mai are relaxing in bed naked after a lengthy love session.

"Hey Mai?" Asked Yugi.

"Yes my love?" Asked Mai.

"Thanks again." Said Yugi.

"For what?" Asked Mai.

"Everything! From helping me move on from Tea, defeating Kaiba while acquiring his corporation, accepting my hand in marriage and overall making me the happiest man in the world." Said Yugi.

"No worries Yugi!" Said Mai.

"Thanks Mai and…..wait." Said Yugi.

"What is it?" Asked Mai.

"Something's off: this is the last chapter of our crack fic and aside from that Skedaddle part, this seems like a pretty normal chapter without any chaos or weird stuff." Said Yugi.

"You're right. (gets out of bed and paces back and forth naked, her natural DD's bouncing with each step) It wouldn't make sense to end it here, there needs to be something more crack fic related. But what?" Asked Mai.

Just then Yami, Tea, Josephine and Duke teleported into the room via magic. Before the uninvited guests could apologize for coming in without knocking, Yugi started to strangle Yami as Mai started to strangle Josephine.

"I HAD A **MONTH LONG LOSING STREAK** BECAUSE OF YOU!" Yugi Roared as he tried to choke Yami.

"THANKS TO YOU, A BUNCH OF MAN-CHILDREN SENT ME CHODE PICS, **CHODE PICS!" **Mai also roared as she tried to choke Josephine.

* * *

Needless to say it took the combined strength of Tea and Duke Devlin to keep Yugi and Mai from committing murder. Once the fight was broken, Mai and Yugi threw on some robes and demanded an explanation.

"Yugi, Mai, what we did was wrong and we want to apologize." Said Yami.

"I was so focused on my ambitions that I downplayed your well-being Yugi, friends don't do that." Added Tea.

"I chose to be selfish instead of being there for you Mai." Said Josephine.

"And I stole your man, Mai." Added Duke.

* * *

After a lengthy discussion, Mai and Yugi forgave their unexpected visitors.

"Well Yugi, I'm glad we got that settled (opens window) see you again soon!" Said Yami as he, Tea, Josephine and Duke magically left the room, only to wind up in the backyard Tiger enclosure. Said Tigers proceeded to maul/eat them without mercy.

Since Yami, Tea, Duke and Josephine were trespassing, Yugi and Mai were cleared of any charges. The Tigers had to be put down, but Yugi and Mai were able to clone a new batch.

* * *

*Epilogue*

Despite saving the world, Exodia turned down an offer to be an Egyptian God and decided to marry Lilly.

Trixie grew up to run an Exodia fan club.

Pegasus recovered but developed a huge fear of Steven Universe.

Tristen and Serenity are dating.

Kaiba is still in prison.

Weevil is still drowning in shit.

Yugi's Mom was more lenient.

Yugi's Grandpa got to play James Bond.

Mai and Yugi got MutoCorp to be the biggest company in the world, their marriage is unbreakable.

The End.

* * *

A/N: Hey guys it's been a long, fun ride. Thanks for reading and supporting my work!


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